Question: How was your schooling experience? What were the challenges you faced in school? Did you feel lonely at school?
Sweta Sukhani: The experience was traumatic. The rules were confusing, there was constant admonishing for most things like “appearing lost”, “being too loud”, “not knowing something”, “interrupting”, from the teachers, and from students – laughing when we are not supposed to, not fitting in, being thrown out of groups without reason, never knowing who I am having my tiffin with, always running around at that time so no one would notice I was the only one having it alone. And all this when I was good at studies and didn’t have additional needs. That was the sole reason it didn’t turn into a torture at home too because parents judge your well being at school by your report card.
Preeti Dixit: Schooling was uncomfortable, unpleasant, anxiety-ridden and lonely. I didn’t understand what was expected of me. I tried really hard to be what I thought was a model student and it left me feeling exhausted. If I hated sitting in class, I hated lunch breaks even more because we were left unmonitored and I had to deal with the other students who would tease me relentlessly because I didn’t understand group dynamics and couldn’t tell if someone was joking or being serious. Kids can be quite ruthless and cruel to other kids, especially those who stand apart from the crowd and don’t conform to social hierarchy. It’s mind boggling how early NT kids get the hang of social dynamics and engage in social games. I also struggled with sensory issues and cognitive overload. These two things made it difficult for me to focus in school and I would find myself drifting off or zoning out. After a point the teacher’s words would literally stopped making sense as they droned on and on. I could hear them but not understand them so I would stop trying and just start looking out of the window or doodle in my book. I would also start feeling very restless after sitting in one place for more than half an hour. I needed to move my body because it felt very stiff and the feeling was unbearable. The fact that I couldn’t move my body made me distressed and unable to focus on what the teacher was saying. My whole focus was on trying not to move so I couldn’t focus on anything else. I wish there were more breaks in school. It was honestly a torture to sit in class everyday. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. I don’t know how I did it. Through sheer will power I guess because I didn’t have a choice.
Navin Israni: I loved being in school. The period by period structure is something that I crave even today. Teachers weren’t all great but they became the foundation of my childhood. If there was one thing I would do differently, it would be to try not to be so solitary and engage with people more.
Navi A: I’d have liked to socialise with other autistics and adhd folks. I tried many times to engage with NTs but it always resulted in disaster. More school support and group of people who understood what it’s like being me because they are like me, would’ve been invaluable.
Soumya Mishra: I liked the structure we had in school coz when I entered the workforce, the unpredictability resulted in more meltdowns. That being said, school was lonely, even amidst people, and over-stimulating too. So I kept things together in school and lost it once I returned home, where I had very little energy to engage, even with my mom. Long assembly sessions in the mornings were very uncomfortable, especially during summers. Sometimes, they would go on for 2 hours or so, and keeping up was difficult as I used up quite a lot of spoons during those hours. I felt different and alienated coz I couldn’t maintain my friendships like others could. Of course, I didn’t know I was ND then, so lot of times I just blamed myself internally whilst trying to show that I’m unbothered.
Follow-up question: What kind of support would have helped you in school?
Sweta Sukhani: What would have helped –
- Teachers who checked in proactively
- Kindness as a default rather than punishment
- Looking beyond the report card and seeing if the kid is actually happy
- Focus on multiple kinds of learnings and flexibility on rules that matter less
- Allowing some amount of disruption so that kids can be kids
Preeti Dixit: What would have helped me is not having to go to school itself. I would have preferred to be homeschooled. The things that would have helped me in school, I know no school can provide –
- More spacious, well-lighted, well-ventilated classrooms.
- Not having everyone crammed together with no space to move.
- Having less number of kids in class, say 15 or at the most 20, no more than that.
- Having school for 3 hours a day instead of 6.
- More interesting, interactive and hands on teaching.
- 15 min breaks between classes to move around, go to the bathroom, unwind.
- Comfortable school uniforms. No tie and belt and shoes that hurt me.
- Permission to wear earbuds or earmuffs to protect myself from noise.
- Permission to carry comfort object.
- Permission to escape from classroom if things become too overwhelming.
- A sensory-safe room in school to escape to and calm down in.
Soumya Mishra: Not having to ask permission to drink water or go to the loo. When teachers denied going to the loo – that was just plain horrible. Not having long assembly sessions, especially during summers.
Aditi Bhatnagar: Not labelling kids or me. Most of my teachers called me confused. I somehow never understood what their logic was so ignored them blatantly. Retrospectively, I think it was my thinking face especially when I was trying to understand something abstract. Plus, kids were labeled good or bad, mediocre or excellent. Those labels were bad. Secondly, accepting questions of students. I used to ask many questions because I never went to tuitions nor asked my parents to teach me. This irritated my teachers a lot. I can understand that teachers are pressed for time, but they can ask to write questions and ask to meet after class. They labeled me as disruptive.
Navi A:
- ND focus can look like whispering constantly, doodling seemingly unrelated things, looking at the wall or having your head down on the desk looking like you’re sleeping, tapping your legs or moving around. One thing ND focus will never look like is looking you right in the eyes. This must be understood and accommodated, there is no other way here. Only if they’re literally getting up and walking around that might need thought as how to accommodate, the rest needs to be accepted and ignored.
- Send me a text message/email about what homework is due. I was never able to remember what it is.
- Exam schedules should be predictable and published well in advance.
- Check with an autistic representative before thinking some behaviour is troublesome or should be punished.
- When stating rules, be wary of how they may be misinterpreted by an autistic person. Are you really saying what you mean to say? Are there exceptions?
- Account for executive functioning difficulties and make sure they have extra time and know it’s not a problem if something is late.
- Answer all questions, always encourage asking questions.
- Never expect eye contact or any traditional “respect” from autistics. Us not doing these things doesn’t mean the same as an NT not doing them.
