Question: Why do autistics stim? Does stimming reduce with age? Should I stop my child from stimming?
Sweta Sukhani: A direct NO to the third question! (Though I agree it has to be evaluated for the child’s own psychological and social safety, in which case the child should be given safe spaces to stim).
Some of my stims and reasons are –
- Dancing around, no structure just moving around with a song in my head – I do it to express joy! When someone stops me, I immediately feel restricted, observed and alienated and like I can’t be myself.
- Rocking back and forth – I do it for emotional regulation and anchoring. I do it when I am stressed and avoiding some really bad thoughts. I also experience tremors when extremely agitated. Stopping this would result in direct trauma because I am trying to cope with something much worse than someone else’s discomfort over my rocking.
- I sit and swing my legs – I do this when I’m thinking or just a little restless. If someone were to stop me, I would be okay because it’s not that severe, but I would still be restless.
I don’t think stimming has a correlation to age, I never knew I was an autistic as a kid so I kept hiding my stims and suppressing them. Now that I accept myself more freely, I stim more. A child might stim more – very similar to children laughing/crying more openly or in general following lesser social rules. An adult who has been traumatised by those around them will stim less but it’s a sign of trauma and not an “improvement”.
Navin Israni: Stimming changes with age. May or may not reduce. Over time stimming toys may be incorporated without forcing the kid. It HAS to feel natural to the kid. Even then it’s no guarantee that kids’ stimming habit will change and nor should you force them to change it.
Soumya Mishra: I stim even now. I self-regulate by stimming. That allows me to focus, listen better and soothes my anxiety.
As a child I used to rub soft fabrics on my nose and would fall asleep doing that. People around me brought me out of that habit, but it wasn’t a harmful stim. (They still occasionally make fun of that habit.) As I grew up, I picked up other stims like bouncing my legs, biting my lips, biting the inside of my cheeks, flipping nails, peeling the skin around my nails, swaying while I’m standing and trying to listen to someone, pacing around when I’m thinking about something. Again, people around me would tell me bouncing legs is a bad habit (Lakshmi chali jaati hai). So I tried stopping that too.
When I recognised I’m autistic and understood why I engaged in stims, I embraced them. Now, I rock back and forth even when I’m outside or during meetings and workshops. It helps me regulate my emotions. Even when I’m excited, I end up clapping and flapping my hands. It’s my way of showing pure excitement and it comes very naturally to me.
Preeti Dixit: I mostly stim to self-regulate when I’m restless, overwhelmed or anxious. If I don’t stim, I feel like I’m going to explode. Stimming helps calm me down and makes me feel steady.
I don’t think stimming reduces with age. It’s nature changes as we grow up and realise that people find it odd or annoying. My stimming has become more subtle or rather I have reduced the extent of my stimming in public to avoid ridicule. However, when I am alone, I engage in it freely and it gives me tremendous relief. It’s like drinking a glass of water after being thirsty for a very long time.
Please don’t stop your children from harmless stimming. If the stimming is harmful like banging their head against a wall or picking at their skin, you can teach them harmless ways of stimming but stopping stimming will result in your child becoming dysregulated and you will probably see it increasing meltdowns and other behaviours like hitting, biting, screaming, etc.
Navi A: Why would someone hum a song while they’re working or just relaxing? Would humming reduce with age? Should you stop children from humming songs? This is an NT problem, not an ND one. If you block of safe, harmless things you’ll make your child feel like they don’t belong.
